I Love Primark Ladies Underwear

You read that title and you would think I either have a penchant for dressing up in ladies clothes at the weekends, or that I have some weird fetish for ladies undergarments whereupon only the Primark variety will do.  I'm sorry to report that (probably to your disappointment) this is not the case on both counts.

Myself and my girlfriend were strolling around the city centre doing a bit of shopping when eventually we decided to enter Primark as we passed it by.  As any man in a relationship will know, when  you enter a clothes store with your girlfriend, you're inevitably going to be taken into the lingerie section of the store whether you like it or not.  To me this isn't a problem as, hey, it gives you an excuse to wander the lingerie section without looking like a complete pervert, even if a pervert is exactly what you are.  Again, I'm sorry to disappoint you but this is not what this article is about.

On one of the displays in the store I came across a product line that caused me to laugh out loud and I decided to point it out to anyone who cared to pay attention.  All the while my girlfriend was pretending not to know who I was.  The cause of the scene I was making is in the photo below.

Yes you seen that right, It is a pair of ladies underpants that reads, "I love Primark". There are several things that I could not comprehend here.  My first thought was "What kind of person buys a pair of underpants that says "I Love Primark?"  I'm sorry but I can't get my head around this, so I presumed that nobody buys them, and an ill advised meeting had taken place regarding product lines for sale in Primark.  I then found myself wishing I was a fly on the wall at that meeting.  Think about it!  Not only did someone in that meeting decide that this was going to be a popular line, but this person also had to stand using what I assume was some kind of slideshow and convince a boardroom of people that this was going to be a popular line, (and succeeding no less).  Wow, I could have used that level of persuasion in the audition I had this week.

I promptly took a photo of this underwear (yes I know I was taking photographs of ladies underwear in the middle of the lingerie section) with the intention of posting it in this blog and then paid for the T-shirt I bought.  As I was doing this, the woman at the counter who observed my actions up to then, pointed out that not only was the underwear was a really good seller (OH MY SODDING GOD!), but there was a matching bra that went along with it in the bra section.  Well there was only one thing to do here!  I produced my camera phone again and began the search for the matching bra.  I was wandering around the bra section repeatedly for about 20 minutes trying to spot this bra unfortunately without success.

I eventually gave up and I felt too proud to ask a member of staff where this bra was, so I left looking like the biggest creep on the planet wandering around the lingerie section taking photographs being reminded of that scene from Father Ted.

I'm determined to get a photograph of this bra however so if anyone at all can get their hands on it, I would appreciate it if you can send it to me through the contact details pertaining to this blog.  I want to post it on here as soon as possible.

Earlier that day I saw another product that says something about what some businessmen are doing about the financial environment the world finds itself in right now.  I wont go into it, I'll just let the photograph speak for itself.

Tomorrow a few words on the 'Sunday Sun' after it comes out.

A Week with Jesus and Primark Underwear

This has been a slightly stranger week for me than is usual, so much so that I'm not going to write about anything in the tabloids or the news channels (although expect a verbal kicking in the direction of the "Sunday Sun" tomorrow).  Two things happened this week, the first was when I went to Belfast to audition for that Jesus Christ Superstar show, and the other was my appearing to be a complete idiot in the middle of a clothes store some days later.

First however I'll get to the upcoming TV show "Superstar".  I swore to myself I'd never participate in one of these shows.  Yet on Tuesday I was on a bus on my way to Belfast with my guitar in hand considering what I was going to sing in front of the judge just because I fancied doing this musical.  I never had any intention of using the guitar as part of the audition you must understand.  The presence of the guitar was for funding the public transportation by way of busking in order to get to this audition.   Upon arriving I discovered all of my suspicions about these contests were correct.  Very little of what happens on the TV is actually what is happening.  I don't remember doing a single thing on my own.  Everything I did that day was because I was asked by one of the crew to do it for the camera.  The film crews became obsessed with the fact I had brought a guitar with me.

They sent me outside to play the guitar in the street, they asked me to go outside again to film me entering the building with the "guitar", they had me strumming in the waiting room, every interview was done with my arm around the guitar, those weird moments in these shows where you seem to be in a studio with the camera circling you while you gurn at the camera was done with the guitar strapped to my back, whereupon I would swing it into playing position and turn to the camera again when the camera reached a certain position.  They even had me standing in front of David Grindrod (Apparently some big shot casting director) with the guitar strapped to my back. I would NEVER have done this unless the TV crew asked me to do it.

It sounds like I'm complaining here, but I'm only pointing out how much of a "reality" show this is not.  As a matter of fact I had a lot of fun with the film crew doing all of this stuff.  Even though I know that if the production decide to show me in the programme I'm going to look like an idiot.  On the day I was having too much fun to care.

The fun ended however when I stepped in front of David Grindrod.  I was turned down to progress and I have to tell you, it hurt.  This was incredibly unexpected, I knew going into this it was going to be a long shot anyway, yet here I was with my heart crushed at the rejection I knew would be most likely anyway.  I found myself struggling to make a polite farewell due to the crushing emotion I was going through.  I believed I managed to thank him for the consideration and wished him luck (although I can't be sure as most of my memory of that moment was the effect of the rejection).  So I left the room acknowledging the crew I passed on my way out and stepped out of the door with more cameras.  I was being asked questions about how I felt about what had happened etc. finding it incredibly difficult to answer them.

The worst part however was leaving the building.  Whether it's going to be shown on TV or not it is documented on film where I put my scarf and coat on, packing up the guitar and doing the "walk of shame" away from the premises.  I have to say, that felt really, really bad.  I just wanted to get the hell out of there, but the process of my leaving while being filmed seemed to take forever.  All the while trying to keep my chin up the whole time.

I'm over it now anyway and this blog is mainly to gain closure on the matter.  I am however still a bit miffed at this David Grinrod person.  When we were speaking to each other he asked me to take my hands out of my pockets.  I was too hyped up to think anything of it at the time, but afterwards I thought to myself "What kind of a toe-rag tells a grown man to take his hands out of his pockets during a conversation?"  Don't get me wrong I would understand if it was during the performance of my piece, but we were only speaking to each other.  If I had my senses about me, and if that was anybody else other than him he or she would be told to shove a very large object up that bit in between his or her butt cheeks.  Another thing he said that, while not really insulting this time but absolutely baffling to me was when he explained why I was rejected.  Now I'm quoting as best as memory serves here so if I got it wrong I apologise. He said "There's a voice in there but there's something in it that I can't work with".  Again I was not in the condition to ask this at the time but afterwards I had to wonder "What the hell is that supposed to mean anyway?"  I don't often watch these kind of shows, but when I am watching the likes of the X-Factor and one of the judges rattles out something like that, I automatically think he or she is saying something like that based purely on the fact they haven't a clue what they're talking about. Now being this big shot casting director I'll accept that he probably did know what he was talking about, I just wish he would explain what that was.

Well there you go, rant over.  I'll do the Primark story on another post as this particular story is longer than I thought it would be.  In fact I'm going to start writing it straight after I post this one.

Scotlands Choice

 I've just found out that in the Scotland referendum to decide on whether to become independent of the UK or not has three options.  'Three?' I asked myself, 'I definitely need to look further into this one!' I said to myself (I do an unhealthy amount of talking to myself). "I would have thought that the referendum would have been simplicity itself.  I mean it's difficult to imagine anything other than walking into the voting booth, looking at your options, not going to be the most complicated thing in the world".  The page will say, "Do you want Scotland to be independent?", then you will tick either yes, or no.  So you can forgive me when I found out there was a third option my brain went "WHAT! A THIRD OPTION? Hang on lets think about this logically, One option can be you want independence, the other is you don't want independence and the thirrrdddd........ AGH BLOODY HELL I GIVE UP! What could possibly be the third option?" Another example of the extended dialogue I regularly have with myself.

The third option I'm talking about is going to be named "Devolution MAX".  I've read over the explanation of this a few times over already and I haven't got a bloody clue what they're on about.  As far as I can  make out it's giving more power to Scotland but at the same time the power isn't going to Scotland, It gets closer to an independent Scotland but at the same time it goes nowhere near closer to an Independent Scotland.  So what I made of it is that clearly someone, somewhere has made this whole bloody thing up and stuck a Chuck Norris action movie title on it. (presumably to get the more impressionable to vote for it). 

So  basically what I'm saying to you good Scottish people out there is something I'm sure you already know.  When politicians introduce something you don't understand and uses flashy words so you don't know what the hell it's all about, yet they assure you that it's for the best?  They're talking out of their brown waste disposal units.  Personally I reckon someone is trying to scupper any chance of a majority vote on this one, but hey that's me

In other news, apparently there is a sever lack of nude models for art classes in India. Apparently it's the polititians putting them off going according to the bbc news.  I reckon however it's more likely the fact that the classes are always full of men, using suspicous tools to paint with and the light colour paints that they always seem to use.  If they run out of canvass, they can always nip down to the shop to get a pack of kleenex.

The Whitney Houston Effect

Whitney Houston's dead. That's what I saw on the news channel yesterday morning and I thought to myself, okay... She's dead, brace yourself for nothing but Whitney on TV, the internet and pretty much everywhere else to cash in on the singers death.  But before the rant, I'd like to point out that while I'm not exactly the biggest fan of Whitney, I do feel a little bit sorry for her due to the manner of her death.

There was a time she had it all, more than pretty much everyone else on the planet ever had.  Amazing talent, the respect of fans and non fans not to mention her peers, A career about as successful as anyone can ever hope to achieve.  But this Pop Star succumbed to a Rock Star Curse before the end.  This curse is called the 'class A drug'.  If I was a heartless bastard I could say "Well she did that to herself so I have no pity" but this isn't the case.  It's not the case because once you start that lifestyle, it's near impossible to  stop.  Your way of thinking changes, In your head you can't get through the day without it, because remember, NO ONE ever starts trying these substances with the intention of getting hooked.  So before I write about my beef with something connected with all of this I'd like to say 'Rest In Peace' Whitney, I think I can speak for everyone by saying you're going to be missed.  We have lost a performer who is already a dying breed.

Now on to business, and my beef is about business, not Whitney Houston but it involves her.  As I already touched on with the start of this blog, every company, TV channels, and any other business who can possibly make money from Whitney's death WILL work hard to make as much money as possible for the fore-seeable future.  Albums will get sold, every second song on music channels and radio will be a Whitney song.  People, we are all going to be bombarded with Whitney until I vomit.  I don't care how talented somebody is, there is only so much I can take from one individual artist on a constant basis.   What's completely bad for me is that the masses are going to love every minute of it.  But that's neither here nor there, that's going to be expected and I more than understand all of the above.  All Whitney fans are going to buy up albums so naturally everyone in the music industry will step up to cash in.  That's what company's of every shape and form do.  They are there to make money, full stop.

A company that came under fire for doing the exact same thing however was SONY.  According to the news report I saw they put up all Whitney albums by about £3. I was not only unsurprised by this, I was expecting it.  Everybody else is cashing in, why shouldn't her own label?  However a great deal of people were surprised by this and put a tremendous amount of pressure on SONY to lower the prices again, and they succeeded.   While I wasn't surprised by the uproar I was surprised by the fact that SONY backed off and lowered the price.  SONY is a multinational company whose (like every other company) sole purpose is to "make money".  SONY (as well as every other record label) are going through some troubles at the minute.  I'm frequently seeing profits are constantly dropping, so if SONY see a chance to buckle that trend they are going to take it.  This however doesn't stop the masses from leading a revolt.  The music industry is going through hell at the minute through piracy and if a solution doesn't present itself soon, then there isn't going to be a music industry left to provide us with these acts.

I can't see this being a very popular viewpoint, but before you go down my throat please consider that it looks like these company's days are numbered if we're not careful, so try not be too hard on them.

And please try to remember the artist at the centre of all this as she was at the top of this article, not as the one on the bottom.