Well non existent readers, It's been two whole weeks and i STILL haven't thought of anything to say at all about the SUNDAY SUN NEWSPAPER. I don't understand it. It was an open goal. Rupert (cockstain) Murdoch and News (spy) International have released a Sunday newspaper to replace the disgraced News of the World. They promise it's going to be different from the News of the World regarding it's code of ethics, hmm. You know I'd believe that except for the small matter of the original News of the World staff are being reinstated to work on this new Sunday newspaper, prompting me to divert your attention to the New Statesmen image right.
The Martians must have smelled the shit from there when Mr. Murdoch looked at us all in the eye, and proceeded to open his mouth and do what my new dog did yesterday to the kitchen floor with the other end of his body. While Murdoch's lackies were wiping his mouth with Kittensoft all I could think to myself was "Ooh yes, they're gonna get it, when Sunday comes I'm gonna buy that bloody newspaper (even though the act of doing so will make my soul die just a little bit more) I'm gonna read it and then I'm gonna rip into it like a Geordie in an Amsterdam brothel.
However Sunday passed and I couldn't bring myself to buy the newspaper. I stood in the newsagents looking at the red banner at the top that read 'The Sunday Sunday'. I couldn't get past the front page. I hadn't even read any of the stories or the gossip and I was already being lied to. "This isn't the bloody Sun, THIS IS THE NEWS OF THE WORLD PRETENDING TO BE THE SUN!" So instead of a newspaper I purchased a beverage and left without my ammunition.
I resolved henceforth to buy the following weeks Sun, "Yeah that's a good idea" I said to myself, "The first edition would almost certainly contain nothing except a bunch of self glorification at being launched etc. etc. etc. The second issue would be a much better option, as that would be more like a normal issue so I can write an accurate blog. So there I was the night previously, a Saturday night and Kate(Jordan) Price's mug flashes up on my TV screen.
"Hey there you viewer, Katie Price is a big shot columnist for the Sunday Sun, Wow!!! I bet you other newspapers are jealous now aren't you. wow!! this is amazing" screamed my television.
What I thought was amazing was the information that Katie Price might be able to spell. It was amazing that Jordan was aware of the tabloids existing for some other reason than to print out pictures of her tits. Then Roy Keane comes on the bloody screen doesn't he? All arms folded and acting the hard man. "Well that's it there's no way I can buy the paper tomorrow now!" I'm a Liverpool fan you see, and as a Liverpool fan I shouldn't be buying the Sun anyway. I don't buy the Sun, it would have just been this one time for the purpose of the blog. But here's Roy Keane and Jordan staring down at me through a black mirror telling me to buy the Sun. "No I bloody wont" said I "as a Liverpool fan and a fan of human evolution in general, I will not buy a copy of tomorrow's Sun."
Thank you Roy, Thank you Katie, for making my decision to attack this newspaper with insults instead of carefully put together critisisms. It's more fun this way. Thank you again you rubber chested and pin dicked couple you. Thank you
In other news Mary Byrne finished her run as the Teen Angel from 'Grease' In the Millenium Forum. It seems the next leg of the tour is in Skegness as she was spotted arriving in by sea yesterday.
PS.
Roy and Katie, just becasue I referred to you as a couple earlier, please don't take that as a suggestion. The world doesn't want you two to breed, please have at least that much respect for humanity.
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