KONY 2012 and 100 Clicks

Well first of all I'd like to thank all of my non-existent readers for this blog reaching the 100 views mark.  I say views because I suspect none of you at all are actually reading the bloody thing.   In fact I'm sure of it.  A non-existent reader is currently crying "Why James? Why do you doubt me?  I exist! I'm here!".  I'll tell you why ladies and gentlemen of the imaginary kind.  A little while back I took it upon myself to tell a little story of my day when I happened across a pair of ladies underwear that said 'I Love Primark' on them.  Before this blog I got maybe one view a week if I was lucky.  The day I posted that blog I had nearly 20 views.  Even when it tailed off I'm still getting between 2 and 5 a day at least.

It doesn't take a genius to work out what's going on here.  Ever since that blog got posted I've been having clicks from men on search engines with a hard on for ladies underwear of the Primark variety.  Thank God for weird Primark fetishes is all I can say.

Now let's move on to this KONY business.

KONY was a bit shocked when he found out the
'I Love Primark Underwear' post was just a blog by me.

KONY... bad man... steals children... makes children shoot other children... terrorised half of Uganda.

Yes KONY should be hunted down and be left at the mercy of all the families he's torn apart with his 'tactics'.

imaginary reader:      Is that it?
Me:                         Yeah that's it, why?
imaginary reader:      Just saying, you normally look at all sides of these things
Me:                         Well I have and while I have some off the wall views, the same conclusion still                              
                               prevailed.
imaginary reader:     Well bloody tell me then, I'm interested
Me:                          Yeah but you don't exist
imaginary reader:     That's never stopped you before James, come on you know you want to
Me:                         Do you know what? When you're right you're right, and bloody Hell you're right

It started off with some of my Facebook friends saying how bad a man this KONY character is.  'Who's KONY?', I wondered briefly.  'Ah it must be some shitty rave musician who got his cock stuck in someone's unwilling vagina or something, nothing to invest your time in'.


A week later I saw the video (on the right), I spent the half hour being sucked into this film trying to find the cracks in the information (I do that when I watch anything that looks factual without Richard Attenborough, Brian Cox or Steven Fry in it).  No offence Americans but you are easily sucked in by anything.  I watched this video on a news website where Uganda's politicians stress that it paints an inaccurate picture of what is going on there.  They agreed that KONY is scum but stress that his actions are limited outside Uganda (because they have him on the run), so sending in half the army will only make things worse over there.  He's actually in hiding.  The film does mention this bit of information but if you blink you miss it.  There are no Ugandan opinions either on the film except the one from the kid that was 'freed' by the maker of this film.  What a fucking hero saving that kid when he already escaped!  All of the pundits and politicians who were interviewed in this film weren't from Uganda. Hmmmmm.

With that in mind I had to question the integrity of this film.  I could go into this at length but plenty of people have already done it before me, just look to the left for one of the many examples.  This one has the American desire to control oil at the heart of it.  There are various news reports also that question the integrity of this film.  To tell you the truth they're able to articulate it better than I can. Yes pretty much everything in this film either has a different side of the story, or can be picked apart.  I'll make a list of links for some of the news reports at the bottom here.  I'm not sure about the American Governments oil motive but it sure is a very good possibility.  Like I said the KONY 2012 video is incredibly convincing.  I was sucked in myself until it asked me for money.  "Give us money to line our pockets to stop KONY and bring him to justice".  Well that makes sense to me anyway, how about you?  Or it would make sense if you never stopped to think 'How in under all that is holy does giving these guys money so they can have the perfect life and big house (that you see in the film by the way) help track KONY down?  That wont help track him down.  Giving the authorities money to fund the effort might help matters somewhat, but giving it to Invisible Children will only help pay off the gigantic mortgage Jason Russel must have to go along with the gigantic and very upmarket house he has.

One thing can't be picked apart though.  Regardless of how the film is presented you can't deny KONY's past and what he is, a very bad man indeed.  However he is taken down, I just hope he is.  KONY! You're a bad man, a very bad, naughty man. Do everybody a favour KONY, shoot yourself.

And now for something related but completely different.

The narrator of the invisible children video Jason Russell was caught interfering with traffic without any clothes on, having a wank and screaming at anything that moved.  Oh God I'm laughing really hard right now!

Or I would be laughing that is if the guy sitting beside me in the library would stop singing Kylie Minogue songs at the top of his voice.  Seriously, stop it.  I'm not kidding around here.  Okay that's it, I'm giving Jason Russell a call!  If the man can put a stop to KONY, then he can put a stop to you.  I'll unleash his naked, self interfering ass on you man!.  YEAH YOU BETTER RUN!


HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


Here are those links

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uct3dyDVgts&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41BpTW53sWY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3ccdQrdhiU&feature=related

The Right to Die and Having no Right to Take a Life

Ooh here I go again writing about things I know nothing about.  A couple things have caught my attention in the news this week.  Some nutjob US soldier appeared to have lost the plot and went on a bloody rampage killing women and kids in their homes, the other is Tony Nicklinson who has 'Locked in Syndrome' fighting for the right to die.


I'll start with the latter here just to get it out of the way.  I'm trying to be very careful about what I say here as this is a subject of intense controversy where there are incredibly strong views on either side about the morality of taking your own life. The other reason I want to get this out of the way is that I never know which side to take here.  Do I join the 'life is a gift' side of things and say that under no circumstances a life should be ended? Or do I take the view that there is a point where your quality of life is so bad you're better off dead?


To get it out of the way as quickly as possible I'm concentrating on the case of Tony Nicklinson.  As I said before he has a condition called 'Locked in Syndrome'.  Simply put this is where you're brain is completely alert and fully functioning but the rest of your body doesn't work at all.  (Just think Stephen Hawking and you have the idea).  In fact to look at it's exactly like Stephen Hawking complete with a computer that speaks for him and everything.  This is where I first thought 'Why does he want to die?  Stephen Hawking is fine with his condition while also being determined to be a leading theoretical physicist and cosmologist.


For some hours I couldn't side with Tony Nicklinson due to this.  I'm not saying they have the same condition, but I imagine it feels awfully the same as each other.  For a few hours I was siding with keeping him alive, but then I found out about the difference between Tony Nicklinson's vocation and Stephen Hawkings.  Stephen Hawking uses his mind.  His mind to me seems totally dedicated to thinking and working on 'theoretical' physics.  While his job is more difficult without the use of his body, he doesn't 'need' it.  Tony Niclklinson on the other hand had a vocation (I don't know exactly what it is but the news mentioned this) that required the use of his body, and not just that, his hobby was sports (there was a photo of him playing rugby).  His talents lay in his body, so to take all of that away from him would of course prompt him to take the action he is taking.  With that information you would side with Tony for this.


I still however can't form an opinion on this.  I'm fairly fit and fully functioning so there's no way I can possibly put myself in either of their shoes.  I have no idea what I would want to do if I was in Tony Nicklinson's shoes. I'd like to think I'd want to soldier on but there's no way of telling unless I came down with the exact same condition.  So I'll leave it to the all but non existent readers to leave comments with their personal opinion on this one.


I'd hate to be the Judge on that court case.


Now here comes the part where I talk about the 'mental breakdown' that cost well over a dozen lives in Afghanistan.  I'll get right to the chase here because I don't normally talk about more than one thing in these blogs.  When  I first heard about this, the only the information I had about this is that at least one American soldier busted into several peoples homes and killed all of them.  My first thought was 'this is like that event in my home town 'Bloody Sunday' roughly 40 years ago.  It turns out that it was indeed just the one soldier who acted out of what I can only assume was incredible stress.  This is no excuse of course.

The following is from my personal observations in my own home country.  If you add any foreign military presence to a country, it's residents wont appreciate it.  No matter what your reasons for your army to be in their country is, the indigenous population will want them back out of the country as soon as possible.  So to add atrocities such as this will make the Afghanistan people so angry it will only make their presence even worse.  At least in this case an apology was issued in a matter of days as opposed to decades as was the case in Bloody Sunday.  At least the man who went beserk on a bunch of women and children looks like being brought to justice in the near future instead of it looking like it will never happen as is the case of Bloody Sunday.  For once they seem like they are apologetic as opposed to being the bullies the world perceives them to be.

That being said many innocent people, mostly women and children were slaughtered recently and there is no way it can possibly be defended.  I realise I sound like I'm in a game of dick measuring from my previous paragraph but that is not in any way my intention at all.  I offer my condolences to the families of the dead and I know what you must be feeling right now.  This is the worst possible thing that could possibly happen to a family. In fact it's the most horrific thing I can imagine to have happen to you.  


So to sign off I'll say, 'Shame on you, you who break into peoples homes and slaughter them as if they were animals.  You who cause the heartbreak of so many people due to this.  You killed those who must have had to watch their entire family violently end their lives before theirs were ended too.  You make me sick to the core.  I hope you die too. In fact I hope you die with the same methods your country do to perpetrators of homocide in your own country, failing that I hope you die of AIDS or something.


J


PS.  Sorry about the CSPAN video i posted, I tried to get something that got to the point but that's the best I could find at short notice.

The Sunday Sun Has Me Stumped

Well non existent readers, It's been two whole weeks and i STILL haven't thought of anything to say at all about the SUNDAY SUN NEWSPAPER.  I don't understand it.  It was an open goal.  Rupert (cockstain) Murdoch and News (spy) International have released a Sunday newspaper to replace the disgraced News of the World.  They promise it's going to be different from the News of the World regarding it's code of ethics, hmm.  You know I'd believe that except for the small matter of the original News of the World staff are being reinstated to work on this new Sunday newspaper, prompting me to divert your attention to the New Statesmen image right.

The Martians must have smelled the shit from there when Mr. Murdoch looked at us all in the eye, and proceeded to open his mouth and do what my new dog did yesterday to the kitchen floor with the other end of his body.  While Murdoch's lackies were wiping his mouth with Kittensoft all I could think to myself was "Ooh yes, they're gonna get it, when Sunday comes I'm gonna buy that bloody newspaper (even though the act of doing so will make my soul die just a little bit more) I'm gonna read it and then I'm gonna rip into it like a Geordie in an Amsterdam brothel.

However Sunday passed and I couldn't bring myself to buy the newspaper.  I stood in the newsagents  looking at the red banner at the top that read 'The Sunday Sunday'.  I couldn't get past the front page.  I hadn't even read any of the stories or the gossip and I was already being lied to.  "This isn't the bloody Sun, THIS IS THE NEWS OF THE WORLD PRETENDING TO BE THE SUN!"  So instead of a newspaper I purchased a beverage and left without my ammunition.

I resolved henceforth to buy the following weeks Sun, "Yeah that's a good idea" I said to myself, "The first edition would almost certainly contain nothing except a bunch of self glorification at being launched etc. etc. etc.  The second issue would be a much better option, as that would be more like a normal issue so I can write an accurate blog.  So there I was the night previously, a Saturday night and Kate(Jordan) Price's mug flashes up on my TV screen. 

        "Hey there you viewer, Katie Price is a big shot columnist for the Sunday Sun, Wow!!! I bet you other newspapers are jealous now aren't you.  wow!! this is amazing" screamed my television.

What I thought was amazing was the information that Katie Price might be able to spell.   It was amazing that Jordan was aware of the tabloids existing for some other reason than to print out pictures of her tits.  Then Roy Keane comes on the bloody screen doesn't he?  All arms folded and acting the hard man.  "Well that's it there's no way I can buy the paper tomorrow now!"  I'm a Liverpool fan you see, and as a Liverpool fan I shouldn't be buying the Sun anyway.  I don't buy the Sun, it would have just been this one time for the purpose of the blog.  But here's Roy Keane and Jordan staring down at me through a black mirror telling me to buy the Sun.  "No I bloody wont" said I "as a Liverpool fan and a fan of human evolution in general, I will not buy a copy of tomorrow's Sun." 

Thank you Roy, Thank you Katie, for making my decision to attack this newspaper with insults instead of carefully put together critisisms.  It's more fun this way.  Thank you again you rubber chested and pin dicked couple you.  Thank you

In other news Mary Byrne finished her run as the Teen Angel from 'Grease' In the Millenium Forum.  It seems the next leg of the tour is in Skegness as she was spotted arriving in by sea yesterday.

PS.
Roy and Katie, just becasue I referred to you as a couple earlier, please don't take that as a suggestion.  The world doesn't want you two to breed, please have at least that much respect for humanity.

I Love Primark Ladies Underwear

You read that title and you would think I either have a penchant for dressing up in ladies clothes at the weekends, or that I have some weird fetish for ladies undergarments whereupon only the Primark variety will do.  I'm sorry to report that (probably to your disappointment) this is not the case on both counts.

Myself and my girlfriend were strolling around the city centre doing a bit of shopping when eventually we decided to enter Primark as we passed it by.  As any man in a relationship will know, when  you enter a clothes store with your girlfriend, you're inevitably going to be taken into the lingerie section of the store whether you like it or not.  To me this isn't a problem as, hey, it gives you an excuse to wander the lingerie section without looking like a complete pervert, even if a pervert is exactly what you are.  Again, I'm sorry to disappoint you but this is not what this article is about.

On one of the displays in the store I came across a product line that caused me to laugh out loud and I decided to point it out to anyone who cared to pay attention.  All the while my girlfriend was pretending not to know who I was.  The cause of the scene I was making is in the photo below.

Yes you seen that right, It is a pair of ladies underpants that reads, "I love Primark". There are several things that I could not comprehend here.  My first thought was "What kind of person buys a pair of underpants that says "I Love Primark?"  I'm sorry but I can't get my head around this, so I presumed that nobody buys them, and an ill advised meeting had taken place regarding product lines for sale in Primark.  I then found myself wishing I was a fly on the wall at that meeting.  Think about it!  Not only did someone in that meeting decide that this was going to be a popular line, but this person also had to stand using what I assume was some kind of slideshow and convince a boardroom of people that this was going to be a popular line, (and succeeding no less).  Wow, I could have used that level of persuasion in the audition I had this week.

I promptly took a photo of this underwear (yes I know I was taking photographs of ladies underwear in the middle of the lingerie section) with the intention of posting it in this blog and then paid for the T-shirt I bought.  As I was doing this, the woman at the counter who observed my actions up to then, pointed out that not only was the underwear was a really good seller (OH MY SODDING GOD!), but there was a matching bra that went along with it in the bra section.  Well there was only one thing to do here!  I produced my camera phone again and began the search for the matching bra.  I was wandering around the bra section repeatedly for about 20 minutes trying to spot this bra unfortunately without success.

I eventually gave up and I felt too proud to ask a member of staff where this bra was, so I left looking like the biggest creep on the planet wandering around the lingerie section taking photographs being reminded of that scene from Father Ted.

I'm determined to get a photograph of this bra however so if anyone at all can get their hands on it, I would appreciate it if you can send it to me through the contact details pertaining to this blog.  I want to post it on here as soon as possible.

Earlier that day I saw another product that says something about what some businessmen are doing about the financial environment the world finds itself in right now.  I wont go into it, I'll just let the photograph speak for itself.

Tomorrow a few words on the 'Sunday Sun' after it comes out.

A Week with Jesus and Primark Underwear

This has been a slightly stranger week for me than is usual, so much so that I'm not going to write about anything in the tabloids or the news channels (although expect a verbal kicking in the direction of the "Sunday Sun" tomorrow).  Two things happened this week, the first was when I went to Belfast to audition for that Jesus Christ Superstar show, and the other was my appearing to be a complete idiot in the middle of a clothes store some days later.

First however I'll get to the upcoming TV show "Superstar".  I swore to myself I'd never participate in one of these shows.  Yet on Tuesday I was on a bus on my way to Belfast with my guitar in hand considering what I was going to sing in front of the judge just because I fancied doing this musical.  I never had any intention of using the guitar as part of the audition you must understand.  The presence of the guitar was for funding the public transportation by way of busking in order to get to this audition.   Upon arriving I discovered all of my suspicions about these contests were correct.  Very little of what happens on the TV is actually what is happening.  I don't remember doing a single thing on my own.  Everything I did that day was because I was asked by one of the crew to do it for the camera.  The film crews became obsessed with the fact I had brought a guitar with me.

They sent me outside to play the guitar in the street, they asked me to go outside again to film me entering the building with the "guitar", they had me strumming in the waiting room, every interview was done with my arm around the guitar, those weird moments in these shows where you seem to be in a studio with the camera circling you while you gurn at the camera was done with the guitar strapped to my back, whereupon I would swing it into playing position and turn to the camera again when the camera reached a certain position.  They even had me standing in front of David Grindrod (Apparently some big shot casting director) with the guitar strapped to my back. I would NEVER have done this unless the TV crew asked me to do it.

It sounds like I'm complaining here, but I'm only pointing out how much of a "reality" show this is not.  As a matter of fact I had a lot of fun with the film crew doing all of this stuff.  Even though I know that if the production decide to show me in the programme I'm going to look like an idiot.  On the day I was having too much fun to care.

The fun ended however when I stepped in front of David Grindrod.  I was turned down to progress and I have to tell you, it hurt.  This was incredibly unexpected, I knew going into this it was going to be a long shot anyway, yet here I was with my heart crushed at the rejection I knew would be most likely anyway.  I found myself struggling to make a polite farewell due to the crushing emotion I was going through.  I believed I managed to thank him for the consideration and wished him luck (although I can't be sure as most of my memory of that moment was the effect of the rejection).  So I left the room acknowledging the crew I passed on my way out and stepped out of the door with more cameras.  I was being asked questions about how I felt about what had happened etc. finding it incredibly difficult to answer them.

The worst part however was leaving the building.  Whether it's going to be shown on TV or not it is documented on film where I put my scarf and coat on, packing up the guitar and doing the "walk of shame" away from the premises.  I have to say, that felt really, really bad.  I just wanted to get the hell out of there, but the process of my leaving while being filmed seemed to take forever.  All the while trying to keep my chin up the whole time.

I'm over it now anyway and this blog is mainly to gain closure on the matter.  I am however still a bit miffed at this David Grinrod person.  When we were speaking to each other he asked me to take my hands out of my pockets.  I was too hyped up to think anything of it at the time, but afterwards I thought to myself "What kind of a toe-rag tells a grown man to take his hands out of his pockets during a conversation?"  Don't get me wrong I would understand if it was during the performance of my piece, but we were only speaking to each other.  If I had my senses about me, and if that was anybody else other than him he or she would be told to shove a very large object up that bit in between his or her butt cheeks.  Another thing he said that, while not really insulting this time but absolutely baffling to me was when he explained why I was rejected.  Now I'm quoting as best as memory serves here so if I got it wrong I apologise. He said "There's a voice in there but there's something in it that I can't work with".  Again I was not in the condition to ask this at the time but afterwards I had to wonder "What the hell is that supposed to mean anyway?"  I don't often watch these kind of shows, but when I am watching the likes of the X-Factor and one of the judges rattles out something like that, I automatically think he or she is saying something like that based purely on the fact they haven't a clue what they're talking about. Now being this big shot casting director I'll accept that he probably did know what he was talking about, I just wish he would explain what that was.

Well there you go, rant over.  I'll do the Primark story on another post as this particular story is longer than I thought it would be.  In fact I'm going to start writing it straight after I post this one.

Scotlands Choice

 I've just found out that in the Scotland referendum to decide on whether to become independent of the UK or not has three options.  'Three?' I asked myself, 'I definitely need to look further into this one!' I said to myself (I do an unhealthy amount of talking to myself). "I would have thought that the referendum would have been simplicity itself.  I mean it's difficult to imagine anything other than walking into the voting booth, looking at your options, not going to be the most complicated thing in the world".  The page will say, "Do you want Scotland to be independent?", then you will tick either yes, or no.  So you can forgive me when I found out there was a third option my brain went "WHAT! A THIRD OPTION? Hang on lets think about this logically, One option can be you want independence, the other is you don't want independence and the thirrrdddd........ AGH BLOODY HELL I GIVE UP! What could possibly be the third option?" Another example of the extended dialogue I regularly have with myself.

The third option I'm talking about is going to be named "Devolution MAX".  I've read over the explanation of this a few times over already and I haven't got a bloody clue what they're on about.  As far as I can  make out it's giving more power to Scotland but at the same time the power isn't going to Scotland, It gets closer to an independent Scotland but at the same time it goes nowhere near closer to an Independent Scotland.  So what I made of it is that clearly someone, somewhere has made this whole bloody thing up and stuck a Chuck Norris action movie title on it. (presumably to get the more impressionable to vote for it). 

So  basically what I'm saying to you good Scottish people out there is something I'm sure you already know.  When politicians introduce something you don't understand and uses flashy words so you don't know what the hell it's all about, yet they assure you that it's for the best?  They're talking out of their brown waste disposal units.  Personally I reckon someone is trying to scupper any chance of a majority vote on this one, but hey that's me

In other news, apparently there is a sever lack of nude models for art classes in India. Apparently it's the polititians putting them off going according to the bbc news.  I reckon however it's more likely the fact that the classes are always full of men, using suspicous tools to paint with and the light colour paints that they always seem to use.  If they run out of canvass, they can always nip down to the shop to get a pack of kleenex.

The Whitney Houston Effect

Whitney Houston's dead. That's what I saw on the news channel yesterday morning and I thought to myself, okay... She's dead, brace yourself for nothing but Whitney on TV, the internet and pretty much everywhere else to cash in on the singers death.  But before the rant, I'd like to point out that while I'm not exactly the biggest fan of Whitney, I do feel a little bit sorry for her due to the manner of her death.

There was a time she had it all, more than pretty much everyone else on the planet ever had.  Amazing talent, the respect of fans and non fans not to mention her peers, A career about as successful as anyone can ever hope to achieve.  But this Pop Star succumbed to a Rock Star Curse before the end.  This curse is called the 'class A drug'.  If I was a heartless bastard I could say "Well she did that to herself so I have no pity" but this isn't the case.  It's not the case because once you start that lifestyle, it's near impossible to  stop.  Your way of thinking changes, In your head you can't get through the day without it, because remember, NO ONE ever starts trying these substances with the intention of getting hooked.  So before I write about my beef with something connected with all of this I'd like to say 'Rest In Peace' Whitney, I think I can speak for everyone by saying you're going to be missed.  We have lost a performer who is already a dying breed.

Now on to business, and my beef is about business, not Whitney Houston but it involves her.  As I already touched on with the start of this blog, every company, TV channels, and any other business who can possibly make money from Whitney's death WILL work hard to make as much money as possible for the fore-seeable future.  Albums will get sold, every second song on music channels and radio will be a Whitney song.  People, we are all going to be bombarded with Whitney until I vomit.  I don't care how talented somebody is, there is only so much I can take from one individual artist on a constant basis.   What's completely bad for me is that the masses are going to love every minute of it.  But that's neither here nor there, that's going to be expected and I more than understand all of the above.  All Whitney fans are going to buy up albums so naturally everyone in the music industry will step up to cash in.  That's what company's of every shape and form do.  They are there to make money, full stop.

A company that came under fire for doing the exact same thing however was SONY.  According to the news report I saw they put up all Whitney albums by about £3. I was not only unsurprised by this, I was expecting it.  Everybody else is cashing in, why shouldn't her own label?  However a great deal of people were surprised by this and put a tremendous amount of pressure on SONY to lower the prices again, and they succeeded.   While I wasn't surprised by the uproar I was surprised by the fact that SONY backed off and lowered the price.  SONY is a multinational company whose (like every other company) sole purpose is to "make money".  SONY (as well as every other record label) are going through some troubles at the minute.  I'm frequently seeing profits are constantly dropping, so if SONY see a chance to buckle that trend they are going to take it.  This however doesn't stop the masses from leading a revolt.  The music industry is going through hell at the minute through piracy and if a solution doesn't present itself soon, then there isn't going to be a music industry left to provide us with these acts.

I can't see this being a very popular viewpoint, but before you go down my throat please consider that it looks like these company's days are numbered if we're not careful, so try not be too hard on them.

And please try to remember the artist at the centre of all this as she was at the top of this article, not as the one on the bottom.